The Volume of Silence
Jul. 11th, 2012 12:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
twilight_lamentTitle: The Volume of Silence
Canon: FMA (AU DV)
Characters: Maes Hughes (Roy/Maes implied)
Rating: R - sexual situations/angst
Summary: Sometimes he doesn't know if he should thank Roy being loyal enough and loving Maes enough to do what he did to keep Maes from dying, or hate him for those same things.
Disclaimer: Yes we all know that I don't own FMA.
Being in Vegas isn't the hardest thing Maes had done in his life. Nothing can compare to the horrors of Ishval and the sense of desperation and desolation it had created. Amestrian soldiers and Ishvalans had spent their days locked in rage filled combat and nights spent in sheer terror, wondering if they would see the morning. Hearing the screams of your comrades and enemies alike as medics treated their wounds left one more than a little exhausted when the sun did finally rise. That does not make Vegas easy though. Of course there are complications in Vegas other than some cracked out god's need to get his laughs by forcing his kidnapped playtoys to have sex. Force in the sense that one will slowly go crazy and die if one doesn't comply.
Maes grimaces because he had fallen just that far. Unable to deal with losing his life, his family, and being stuck in Vegas, he'd nearly chosen death instead of moving forward. Sometimes he doesn't know if he should thank Roy being loyal enough and loving Maes enough to do what he did to keep Maes from dying, or hate him for those same things. One thing is certain; Maes will never forgot the sight of Roy the next morning.
The cigarette in his hand flares when he takes a drag and Maes hears the crackle of the paper with the sudden, forced burn. Nudging out the ache in his chest conjured by the memory of Roy looking so very broken, smoke curls in Maes' lungs. He'd quit years ago after Ishval, and the fact that he'd picked up the habit again was just one more reason to hate Loki and this place.
Still he watches it burn as his thoughts drift and collide over the biggest issue in Vegas, Roy. One might think that their relationship should not be an issue. Old flames reunited once again by common goals and common needs should mean a do-over for them; nothing is ever that simple especially not with him and Roy.
You see, Maes loves the man (not loved). They'd broken up years ago, met again on the fields of war, and walked away one more time. Nothing of that had changed the way Maes Hughes felt about the only man to ever wear the title of Best Friend. It shouldn't be complicated right? Roy had told Maes in Vegas that he had never stopped loving the older man, and, knowing that, it should have been so seamless and easy to give in when Maes' own feelings in regards to Roy had no so subtly reminded him of just how much the Flame Alchemist meant to him, of how Roy would forever and always be ingrained in his heart and that he could no more live without that part than he could live without the places Gracia and Elicia occupy.
It isn't - easy that is.
Not when he still wrestles with the facts of the end of his life. How he had let Roy go all those years ago and the guilt at the notion that he is about to do the same for Gracia. Only it isn't the same and he knows that, but knowing does not alleviate the weight of guilt in his chest. He hasn't uttered a word of his continued struggle to Roy. He doesn't want to the worry man unnecessarily. Guilt or no Hughes will not put Roy in that position again. It's about the only thing of which he is completely sure.
What he also does not know is if he should relent to the way that he feels. Loki has a nasty way of pulling people apart - sending one home and not the other. How fair is it to Roy when once that day comes he would be returned to a world where Hughes is dead? Maybe he won't remember Vegas except as a vague and disturbing dream. Hughes though can't help but wonder what will happen if he does remember.
Despite those reservations and generous side helpings of guilt, Maes cannot help but remember how for the first time in a long time, he'd felt once again completed with Roy. How he has every time since the first time in Vegas (he doesn't count the night he'd been out of his mind and twisted up) been so wrapped up in Roy that it almost felt like they'd never parted at all. He knows he should talk to Roy about it and probably many other things as well. They'd spent a long time in Amestris and here not talking that it had nearly destroyed them both.
However, Maes does not want to upset Roy, or have the alchemist think for one second that this has anything to do with Hughes not loving him right back. Which only leaves the solution of figuring out some way, some plan, on his own. Once he does that, well then he can tell Roy everything including that he loves the man in a way that leaves him feeling gladly lost in the emotion.
Hughes rubs his eyes and lets out a long sigh, still perched in the window sill of his own room, the cigarette long since burned to nothing. He almost lights another one except the door between his room and Roy's opens.
He can't help but smile when Roy peeks his head through, can't help but feel a little weak and maybe even a touch worthless when he lets the feeling of those arms around him push away all of his doubts and misgivings. Roy asks what's wrong and Maes just shakes his head and kisses the man. He owes Roy way too much to put this on his shoulders, needs him too much to risk hurting him again.
He'll figure it out; that's what he does. He just has to hang on until he works through those problems. It helps when Roy's nails dig a little into his shoulders and Roy's mouth begs Maes' to play. So easy to one more time get lost in the taste of Roy, the feel of his skin, and the way he moans when Maes sinks deep into him. Three little words linger on his tongue when Roy gives him the sweetest kiss later.
Maes promises himself that he'll say them soon enough.
Canon: FMA (AU DV)
Characters: Maes Hughes (Roy/Maes implied)
Rating: R - sexual situations/angst
Summary: Sometimes he doesn't know if he should thank Roy being loyal enough and loving Maes enough to do what he did to keep Maes from dying, or hate him for those same things.
Disclaimer: Yes we all know that I don't own FMA.
Being in Vegas isn't the hardest thing Maes had done in his life. Nothing can compare to the horrors of Ishval and the sense of desperation and desolation it had created. Amestrian soldiers and Ishvalans had spent their days locked in rage filled combat and nights spent in sheer terror, wondering if they would see the morning. Hearing the screams of your comrades and enemies alike as medics treated their wounds left one more than a little exhausted when the sun did finally rise. That does not make Vegas easy though. Of course there are complications in Vegas other than some cracked out god's need to get his laughs by forcing his kidnapped playtoys to have sex. Force in the sense that one will slowly go crazy and die if one doesn't comply.
Maes grimaces because he had fallen just that far. Unable to deal with losing his life, his family, and being stuck in Vegas, he'd nearly chosen death instead of moving forward. Sometimes he doesn't know if he should thank Roy being loyal enough and loving Maes enough to do what he did to keep Maes from dying, or hate him for those same things. One thing is certain; Maes will never forgot the sight of Roy the next morning.
The cigarette in his hand flares when he takes a drag and Maes hears the crackle of the paper with the sudden, forced burn. Nudging out the ache in his chest conjured by the memory of Roy looking so very broken, smoke curls in Maes' lungs. He'd quit years ago after Ishval, and the fact that he'd picked up the habit again was just one more reason to hate Loki and this place.
Still he watches it burn as his thoughts drift and collide over the biggest issue in Vegas, Roy. One might think that their relationship should not be an issue. Old flames reunited once again by common goals and common needs should mean a do-over for them; nothing is ever that simple especially not with him and Roy.
You see, Maes loves the man (not loved). They'd broken up years ago, met again on the fields of war, and walked away one more time. Nothing of that had changed the way Maes Hughes felt about the only man to ever wear the title of Best Friend. It shouldn't be complicated right? Roy had told Maes in Vegas that he had never stopped loving the older man, and, knowing that, it should have been so seamless and easy to give in when Maes' own feelings in regards to Roy had no so subtly reminded him of just how much the Flame Alchemist meant to him, of how Roy would forever and always be ingrained in his heart and that he could no more live without that part than he could live without the places Gracia and Elicia occupy.
It isn't - easy that is.
Not when he still wrestles with the facts of the end of his life. How he had let Roy go all those years ago and the guilt at the notion that he is about to do the same for Gracia. Only it isn't the same and he knows that, but knowing does not alleviate the weight of guilt in his chest. He hasn't uttered a word of his continued struggle to Roy. He doesn't want to the worry man unnecessarily. Guilt or no Hughes will not put Roy in that position again. It's about the only thing of which he is completely sure.
What he also does not know is if he should relent to the way that he feels. Loki has a nasty way of pulling people apart - sending one home and not the other. How fair is it to Roy when once that day comes he would be returned to a world where Hughes is dead? Maybe he won't remember Vegas except as a vague and disturbing dream. Hughes though can't help but wonder what will happen if he does remember.
Despite those reservations and generous side helpings of guilt, Maes cannot help but remember how for the first time in a long time, he'd felt once again completed with Roy. How he has every time since the first time in Vegas (he doesn't count the night he'd been out of his mind and twisted up) been so wrapped up in Roy that it almost felt like they'd never parted at all. He knows he should talk to Roy about it and probably many other things as well. They'd spent a long time in Amestris and here not talking that it had nearly destroyed them both.
However, Maes does not want to upset Roy, or have the alchemist think for one second that this has anything to do with Hughes not loving him right back. Which only leaves the solution of figuring out some way, some plan, on his own. Once he does that, well then he can tell Roy everything including that he loves the man in a way that leaves him feeling gladly lost in the emotion.
Hughes rubs his eyes and lets out a long sigh, still perched in the window sill of his own room, the cigarette long since burned to nothing. He almost lights another one except the door between his room and Roy's opens.
He can't help but smile when Roy peeks his head through, can't help but feel a little weak and maybe even a touch worthless when he lets the feeling of those arms around him push away all of his doubts and misgivings. Roy asks what's wrong and Maes just shakes his head and kisses the man. He owes Roy way too much to put this on his shoulders, needs him too much to risk hurting him again.
He'll figure it out; that's what he does. He just has to hang on until he works through those problems. It helps when Roy's nails dig a little into his shoulders and Roy's mouth begs Maes' to play. So easy to one more time get lost in the taste of Roy, the feel of his skin, and the way he moans when Maes sinks deep into him. Three little words linger on his tongue when Roy gives him the sweetest kiss later.
Maes promises himself that he'll say them soon enough.